


got something to confess, Dionysus, dear brother?

by 8the_cat_chemist_doctor8



Series: pjo/tkc/hoo/mgca/toa made me a mythology trash bi [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Book 5: The Tower of Nero (Trials of Apollo), Crack, Dionysus is a horny mess exposed, I thought of this in the shower and now I can't stop laughing about it, Minor Spoilers, Mythology References, payback for Apollo's embarrassment in ToN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27146473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8the_cat_chemist_doctor8/pseuds/8the_cat_chemist_doctor8
Summary: in which a camper got caught committing happypants and Dionysus gets payback from when he was horny on main millennia ago via the power of my demigodsona and Lester-Apollo and his cabinif y'all pjo nerds need a laugh here it is have funpls note this is mature humor ngl so if you're like... 16 or younger you should probably keep scrolling.
Relationships: Apollo & Camp Half-Blood Campers, Apollo & Dionysus (Percy Jackson), Apollo & Nico di Angelo, Apollo & Will Solace
Series: pjo/tkc/hoo/mgca/toa made me a mythology trash bi [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108916
Comments: 3
Kudos: 50





	got something to confess, Dionysus, dear brother?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even going to lie the oc is just my demigodsona so have fun with that lmao

"René of the Hypnos cabin, a word please." Dionysus called out to the morning breakfast crowd in the dining hall. Apollo was with his cabin, along with a tagalong they seemed to have picked up- a greek legacy of his named Lyra, who also happened to be a daughter of Athena. 

Apollo himself was unsure why she found it interesting to hang around with... her great grandfather, when he thought about it, but he supposed an ex-god relative was a hard novelty to come by. 

However, she couldn't help but overhear Dionysus's (or Mr. D, as he had the campers call him) conversation with the child of Hypnos- her face becoming more like a tomato every section she listened. 

"René did what-" Lyra caught herself, surprised with a sudden laugh that had bubbled up her throat. The rest of the table focused their attention on her, eyes furrowed in confusion. 

"René got caught..." Lyra had to steady herself from laughing outright her brown hair falling in her face, clearing her throat and trying again. "The harpies found a dildo among his belongings." she finally managed, her brown eyes shining with laughter she didn't voice. 

Apollo took a second, like the rest of his children, to blink and make appropriate faces of surprise before the table quieted to try listen to what his dear brother had to say. 

"René, I understand that you are a young fellow, and this sort of thing is common for people among your age with all those hormones in your head, but you do need to understand that in the very least you should be discreet about it." He sighed, taking a sip of his Diet Coke. "At any rate, I'm going to have to give you extra chores. This is a shared space." 

As quickly as Lyra's laughing began, it stopped. A glint of mischief had replaced it instead. 

"Lyra, whatever you're thinking-" Will began, being the responsible one of Apollo's children. While Apollo shared his sentiment, he was far too invested in the entertainment factor if anything. Though he did worry Dionysus would attempt to smite one of his great-grandchildren.

"Mr. D, sir." Lyra called out, in a somewhat shrill voice, a grin on her face. "I have a quick question." 

Will sat next to where she was now standing, head in his hands. "Announce it to the world, why don't you." 

"What it is it, Lairé?" Dionysus replied casually, a bit bitter because he had been interrupted in his grilling of René. 

"Lyra." She corrected. "Why punish René for making good use of one of your noblest creations?" 

Dionysus, to Apollo's delight, cycled through 5 different shades of shock and purple before settling down. "Whatever do you mean?" his voice carefully light.

"Well, I could tell the story, if it would clear the air and jog your memory a bit." Lyra paused in a suspiciously innocent way. 

The campers all around sensed that this was an interesting piece of dirt on their camp director and started chanting for her to divulge the story. 

"Alright, alright." Lyra smiled with the air of someone who had been supposedly persuaded but really was going to tell the story anyway. "Once upon a time, because all good stories begin with 'once upon a time,' our dear director here had to save his mother Semele from Hades." Lyra glanced at Nico Di Angelo, apologetically. "A young fellow named Prosymnus," she smiled wider at the name as Dionysus's face went into a full on 'uhoh this is not good' face. "helped him get to the entrance of the underworld by rowing him to the middle of the lake." 

"Alright that's enough!" Dionysus tried to intercede, but to no avail. "No, no. Let her finish." Chiron interjected with a fond smile on his face as if he knew what was coming next and was happy Dionysus would be taken down a peg or two. 

When it was clear that Lyra could continue her retelling of the story, she continued. "And in reward, Prosymnus demanded the right to fuck our dear director." She smiled innocently again, as if it weren't her fault the story was being told. 

There were gasps among the campers, everyone either shocked or just plain amused, the older campers more jaded considering they've heard a lot of Zeus's great exploits. 

"Dionysus agreed, and went to go fetch his mother from the underworld." Lyra grinned. "But when he returned, Prosymnus was dead." she said with a flourish.

Some campers drooped with disappointment, having hoped to hear the dirt on their director. 

"But it doesn't end there." Lyra said measuredly, maintaining eye contact with the diners in the hall. "Dionysus still kept his promise! He carved a piece of fig wood up into the shape of what we'd call a dildo now, and fulfilled his promise on top of Prosymnus's tomb." She finished, a grin on her face. Dionysus was trying to look smaller, and was red as a tomato knowing he'd have to deal with teenagers going to remind him of it left right and centre. René was laughing, and looked like he had been given a Christmas gift early. 

"Rumor says that after this, Prosymnus's spirit was _so_ overjoyed, he went straight to Elysium." Apollo added, getting up onto his feet as well, grinning like he had also been given a Christmas gift early. "Of course, Hermes and I did _try_ to stop him." he shrugged as if it was pointless. "I remember our dear _Mr. D_ making his way to the tomb, Hermes and I following after him. Hermes reminding him that 'dude, Prosymnus is dead you don't have to go through with it.' and I just tried my best to take the fig wood away from him so as to give Dionysus a second to consider what he was doing." A sly grin grew on Apollo's face. "Of course, you did always take after our father, didn't you _Mr. D_." 

"Alright, that's it-" Dionysus stood, angry at being humiliated in front of 'these brats' and decided to take matters into his own hands, his hands and eyes glowing purple with godly power. 

"Dionysus." Chiron warned, his eyes stern. "Remember what Zeus would do if you committed homicide of the camp you were supposed to protect. What the other gods would do if you killed their children." 

Dionysus sobered, growling in frustration and clutching his Diet Coke more fiercely, he sat down again. 

"At any rate, you shouldn't punish poor René for making good use of one of your _noble_ creations." Lyra stated again, a grin once again on her face.

Dionysus sighed, looking around as if to ask 'how is this my life?' and replied, his voice sharp. "While I have no problem with him honouring that creation, I am more concerned over the fact that he wasn't very discreet about it. I may overlook the Aphrodite cabin in these matters because it's inevitable and Aphrodite would take offence if I did, I do not have the same leniency towards the other cabins."

"However, just this once, consider yourself lucky, René." Dionysus decided, after realising he should probably be lenient here or he'll be reminded of the Prosymnus story until he, the god of madness, would go insane himself. "And for gods sake hide it better!" someone from the Ares cabin shouted after René as he made his way back to the Hypnos cabin table with a blush. 

Lyra, finally sat down- her point being made, continued with her food in the silence of the Apollo table. 

"Well... that was," Austin swallowed his food before continuing. "Informative." 

"Perhaps a bit too much information." Nico admitted from his place next to Will. 

"Uh, yeah. TMI, Lyra?" Will sighed, looking accusatorially at the woman in question. 

"Don't shoot the messenger." she shrugged. 

Apollo couldn't help but feel proud of his great granddaughter. She had helped him feel better about the whole 'this is Mr. A, he plumbs the toilets' situation.

"To be fair, it felt good to put Mr. D in his place, even for just a little while." Kayla admitted between mouthfuls of eggs. 

"Yeah." Apollo admitted with a small smile. 

~~~~~~~fin.~~~~~~~~~~

**Author's Note:**

> references: https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/9lfgqn/dionysuss_dildo/  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CGVU0AxFiWu/?igshid=1hkqs0ol8rngf


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